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Beware of Backstabbers

BEWARE OF BACKSTABBERS
Mike Cunningham
October 6, 2013
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“You will be gossiped about. If it has not happened yet, get ready, because some day you will find yourself in the cross-hairs of the sin of gossip. My friend “William” did.”

“William is a Christian who owns rental property and tries to be just and merciful in managing it. But he had one tenant, “Nicholas,” who refused to pay his rent on time and who had let the balance of unpaid debt pile up. Nicholas also claimed to be a Christian, but instead of apologizing for his debt and paying up, he went through the community attacking William’s character. Word slowly trickled back to William of what Nicholas had been saying about him to business owners, neighbors, and friends. It hurt William a lot.” “Resisting Gossip” by Matthew P. Mitchell, Pg. 109.

“The backstabber is full of complaint, but his heart is angrier, more hateful. Backstabbing gossip overflows from a heart bent on revenge, retaliation and real malice. The backstabber actually desires the target of his gossip to experience pain. The backstabber usually begins by spreading lies, starting what we call a “smear campaign.” Ibid. P.52.

I’m sorry to say that in my 80 plus years of living in this world, some of my most painful experiences have been as a result of being attacked by vicious backstabbers. Combating them on a daily basis is emotionally draining and physically exhausting. I wouldn’t be standing here today if the Lord hadn’t first given me the desire, and then the strength and courage to expose every one of those demonically influenced people.

King David wasn’t a stranger to backstabbers. Second Samuel tells us that,

2 Samuel 15:1-6 (NIV)
1 In the course of time, Absalom provided himself with a chariot and horses and with fifty men to run ahead of him.
2 He would get up early and stand by the side of the road leading to the city gate. Whenever anyone came with a complaint to be placed before the king for a decision, Absalom would call out to him, “What town are you from?” He would answer, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.”
3 Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your claims are valid and proper, but there is no representative of the king to hear you.”
4 And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that he gets justice.”
5 Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him.
6 Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the men of Israel.

It would break my heart if I learned that my son Mike was backstabbing me just as I’m sure it would break his if his son did the same to him. Visualize the following scene from second Samuel.

2 Samuel 15:7-14 (NIV)
7 At the end of four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron and fulfill a vow I made to the LORD.
8 While your servant was living at Geshur in Aram, I made this vow: ‘If the LORD takes me back to Jerusalem, I will worship the LORD in Hebron.'”
9 The king said to him, “Go in peace.” So he went to Hebron.
10 Then Absalom sent secret messengers throughout the tribes of Israel to say, “As soon as you hear the sound of the trumpets, then say, ‘Absalom is king in Hebron.'”
11 Two hundred men from Jerusalem had accompanied Absalom. They had been invited as guests and went quite innocently, knowing nothing about the matter.
12 While Absalom was offering sacrifices, he also sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David’s counselor, to come from Giloh, his hometown. And so the conspiracy gained strength, and Absalom’s following kept on increasing.
13 A messenger came and told David, “The hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom.”
14 Then David said to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Come! We must flee, or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave immediately, or he will move quickly to overtake us and bring ruin upon us and put the city to the sword.”
No-King David certainly wasn’t a stranger to backstabbing. For instance, we read in,

Psalm 41:1-9 (ESV)
1 Blessed is the one who considers the poor! In the day of trouble the LORD delivers him;
2 the LORD protects him and keeps him alive; he is called blessed in the land; you do not give him up to the will of his enemies.
3 The LORD sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.
4 As for me, I said, “O LORD, be gracious to me; heal me, for I have sinned against you!”
5 My enemies say of me in malice, “When will he die, and his name perish?”
6 And when one comes to see me, he utters empty words, while his heart gathers iniquity; when he goes out, he tells it abroad.
7 All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me.
8 They say, “A deadly thing is poured out on him; he will not rise again from where he lies.”
9 Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.

The letters that the apostles Paul and John wrote to the early Christians provide us with an account of the demonically inspired slanderer’s and backstabbers that had infiltrated the churches.

2 Corinthians 12:20 (ESV)
20 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

3 John 1:5-11 (ESV)
5 Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are,
6 who testified to your love before the church. You will do well to send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God.
7 For they have gone out for the sake of the name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles.
8 Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth.
9 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority.
10 So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.
11 Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God.

Matthew Mitchell says that, “Malicious gossip, the kind that leads to backstabbing, is the worse kind, because it the most like Satan’s behavior. Hateful gossip tears apart churches.” “Malicious gossip is a cancer. It must be stopped!” Pg.53.

“Gossip is betrayal. It is a form of treason. A close friend, someone we trust, turns out to be the one bearing the bad news behind our back. King David experienced this kind of betrayal. In Psalm 55 he said,

Psalm 55:12-14 (NIV)
12 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.
13 But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,
14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

“William felt this way about Nicholas. He had been so glad to have a Christian tenant. What sweet fellowship they would enjoy! But Nicholas had stabbed him in the back.”

“Next, while betrayal always hurts, it can also leave us feeling vulnerable. It’s easy to become fearful when we do not know what is being said about us. At one time we may have thought that all was well, but then we find out that there is an unseen buzz going around us, and we cannot control it.”

“Are you feeling that right now? If you have recently found out that you are the target of gossip, you might be feeling helpless and out of control. To not know what is being said about us, much less to be able to control it is scary. In Psalm 55 David sings about that:

Psalm 55:4-8 (NIV)
4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.
6 I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest–
7 I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah
8 I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”

“David is saying that if he could have run away and hid, he would have. And he was the king. How much more can you and I feel scared and intimidated by sinful gossip?”

“Perhaps the most painful aspect of being gossiped about is the feeling of loss at the theft of our reputation. Let me ask you a trick question: is it good to care about our reputation? (Remember, that’s a trick question. Don’t answer too quickly!) Is it good to value your good name? The answer is yes. Proverbs says,

Proverbs 22:1 (NIV)
1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

“A good reputation is a blessed and valuable thing. A good name is something we should want and something we ought to cultivate, as much as it is in our control to do so. We should cultivate our reputations not through marketing, public relations or manipulating people’s opinions of us but by being a man or woman of good character. Proverbs links a good name to wisdom. A wise man or woman will earn a good reputation.”

“But gossip often robs our reputations.” “That’s how my friend William felt. His reputation as a landlord was very important to him, and it seemed to be slipping out of his hands. So what do we do when we find ourselves lamenting the loss of our good name? Let’s go back to Psalm 140. Notice where David goes when he gets into trouble. He says,

Psalm 140:1-2 (NIV)
1 Rescue me, O LORD, from evil men; protect me from men of violence,
2 who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day.

“David takes his situation to the Lord first and foremost, and we should as well. We don’t tend to go to the Lord first though, do we? We take things into our own hands. We turn around and gossip about our enemies! We complain about those who are complaining about us. And we run around attempting to set the record straight.”

“William tried the record-straightening strategy first. He stopped by every place where Nicholas had spread gossip and attempted to talk with every single person Nicholas had poisoned against him. He said, “at first, I admit it was very difficult, since I came from a background of wanting to always vindicate myself. Not to get even but to be sure that everyone knew my side of the story.” But trying to reach everyone was impossible for him to do.”

“It became evident that the task was overwhelming and was affecting my mental health. Relief came when I surrendered [Nicholas] to the Lord and myself as well. I had to take a hands-off approach and let the Lord defend my character. It was not about me but rather what the Lord was doing in me. The burden lifted. When William finally took it to the Lord, he found freedom and joy, which he’s still experiencing years later.”

“Notice how David cried our to the Lord in the beginning of Psalm 140. His requests were specific: “Rescue me! Protect me!” He talks to God about how his situation feels, and he does not mince words. “They made their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s; the poison of vipers is on their lips” (140:13), David goes on to say. In other words, “Lord, those gossipers talk like snakes! They bite. Their words are full of poison. They speak Satan’s language. Help!”

“Do not be afraid to tell God how it is. God is not looking for us to just grin and bear things stoically, without feeling. Not at all! God invites us to tell Him exactly how we feel:

“Lord, I feel attacked.”
“Lord, I feel betrayed.”
“Lord, I feel scared.”
“Lord, I feel angry.”
“Lord, I hate being gossiped about!”
“Lord, take it away!”

“Verse four of Psalm 140 says, “Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from men of violence who plan to trip my feet” (140:4). David probably had it worse than you or I ever will. He had enemies who truly wanted him dead. Most of those who gossip about you and me don’t actually want us to be killed, but the principle for us is the same as it was for David; take it to the Lord.”

“David continues his plea: “Proud men have hidden a snare for me; they have spread out the cords of their net and have set traps for me along my path” (140:56). He’s essentially saying, “This is not easy, Lord! I don’t like it. I am going to trip. I’m going to fall.”

“Faith does not minimize our suffering. Faith does not say, “It’s no big deal.” Faith does not pretend that a situation is not scary. What faith does do is to take our problem to the One who really cares and can do something about it.”

“David’s prayers were based on his relationship with God. As he continues his prayer, he says, “O Lord, I say to you, “You are my God.’ Hear O Lord my cry for mercy. O Sovereign Lord, my strong deliver, who shields my head in the day of battle-my strong deliver, do not grant the wicked their desires. O Lord, do not let their plans succeed” (140:6-8). David was not just asking some-god-out-there to do something for him. He was asking his God, the God with whom he was in covenant, the God to whom he belonged. David had already seen God work on his behalf. He is saying, “You have been there for me before, Lord, my strong deliverer. You have shielded my head in the day of battle. I know that You will be there again.”

“I do not know all the times that people have gossiped about me. I can guess that there have been many of them. I am a semi-public figure in our little community and have been connected to various conflicts between people in my 15 years of pastoral ministry. I surely deserve some of the gossip shared about me. Not that people should have shared bad news about me, but the truth is, some of the bad news was true. I am a sinner, and I have failed.”

“But throughout all the gossip that I know has been shared about me-and some of it has been deeply painful-God has protected me, my reputation, and my ministry over and over again. I am profoundly thankful for that, and it helps me to be ready to take my challenges to the Lord the next time. God has always shielded my head in the day of battle, so why wouldn’t I turn to Him every time?”

I have also had the same experience throughout my 26-plus years in pastoral ministry. I’m sure that other pastors have too.

One of the desires of my heart is that each of you folks who just heard this message preached, and those who may read it later will be as blessed by it just as I have. Please let me know!

Lord willing, next week….

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October 6, 2013 Posted by Categories: Uncategorized Tagged with:
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