LOVING UNATTRACTIVE CHRISTIANS

MIKE CUNNINGHAM

June 10, 2007

I don’t know about you, but one of the most difficult things for me to do is to love a habitually angry person. The truth is, I don’t even want to be near those kinds of miserable people, much less love them. In fact, I try my best to avoid and stay as far away as I can from them. For instance, if I know one of them is going to be at a particular event such as a wedding or funeral and I don’t absolutely have to attend; I don’t go. That’s how much I dislike being in the company of bitter people.

However, there have been times which our Sovereign Lord had also planned and ordained that I experience; times where I couldn’t get away from them as quickly as I would have liked, because the price I would have had to pay was too high. For instance, I couldn’t just up and quit a job without hurting my family or myself. I had to deny myself and postpone the relief of obtaining my heart’s desire.

Finally, and as odd as it may seem; throughout the years, I have also deliberately stayed close to certain bitterly mean-spirited, contentious, sarcastic, in-your-face know-it-all, condescending, judgmental Christians who are prone to throwing fits of rage. Now if any of you are having trouble connecting this particular dot, allow me to explain. I do this for one reason and one reason only; the Lord first gives me a strong desire, and then He gives me the strength to love these folks. Hopefully, in time these somewhat unattractive Christians will be able to see and recognize His patient love for them radiating through me and other like-minded followers of His to whom He has also given this special grace to love such chronically angry individuals.

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold.

Last week we saw how the Lord wants human beings to use “the gift of anger” He has given to each of them. Our Creator has given each of His human creatures the freedom to use this precious gift in a sinful manner as well as the freedom to use it for His glory and the betterment of society.

In our effort to truly love unattractive Christians it behooves us to remember where they have strayed from the King’s Highway leading to our eternal home. Assuming the person had a legitimate reason to become angry, he or she does not have the right to get themselves so bent out of shape and allow their anger to control them that they can’t even think straight. Furious Christians have been known to shove, spit at and punch the object of their wrath. At the very least they frequently give a brother or sister in Christ a scathing tongue lashing.

The unattractive Christian has not yet learned the true meaning of what God says love really is. In his letter to the Corinthian Christians Paul starts out first by telling them what it isn’t.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (AMP) ¹ IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody). ³ Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing.

Then Paul proceeds to define just what true love really is.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (AMP) ⁴ Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. ⁵ It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

⁶ It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. ⁷ Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. ⁸ Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

The chronically angry Christian does not truly love other people. Instead, he or she has some sort of perverted love for them. God says that true love never ends! Think about that glorious truth. Christians came into this world naked and then go on to acquire certain things. But the only thing they can take out of this world when they leave it is the unmistakable evidence of God’s love in them.

Unattractive Christians have not yet trained themselves how not to succumb to the temptation to allow themselves to become easily provoked. Regardless of whether or not the person is well versed in the Bible, his or her God given conscience will convict them when they are sinning against their Creator God. I’m sure I’m not the only one here this morning who, midway through my verbal attack on someone, knew without a doubt that I was speaking despicably, but continued sinning anyway. That’s how much I allowed my God given emotion to control me as opposed to stopping myself mid sentence, and asking the Lord and my fellow Christian to forgive me for acting in such a disgraceful manner.

We must also remember that the unattractive Christian has not yet trained him or herself to diligently plead with God to give them the kind of wisdom which can’t be found in this dark world, but rather that which is from above.

James 3:17 (AMP) ¹⁷ But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering, and insincerity).

Many wayward fellow travelers have also allowed themselves to succumb to the satanic enticement of allowing the sun to go down on their anger. Even if their anger is justified, the last thing they are thinking about before falling off to sleep and the first thing racing through their mind when they awaken is retaliating. By not handling with their anger the way God wants them to, they blinded themselves to the reality of what Paul reminded those first century Christians at the conclusion of his letter.

Ephesians 6:10-12 (AMP) ¹⁰ In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]. ¹¹ Put on God’s whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil. ¹² For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

Going to sleep while he or she is still angry with someone automatically unlocks the floodgates of the persons mind and heart enabling those ever present invisible hovering demonic spirits of bitterness, resentment and hatred to come swarming in. As I mentioned a moment ago, the unattractive Christian has blinded him or herself to truth. And don’t forget to remember those disgraceful times when you transformed your often justifiable anger with a boss or teacher and took it out on a loved one at the earliest opportunity, such as when you returned home from work or school.

In his excellent exposition of Ephesians 4: 26-27, concerning Paul telling those early Christians about not giving the devil a foothold, Martyn-Lloyd Jones writes: “What he means by this is, never open the door to the devil’! When you lose your temper you open it wide; it could not be wider. Nothing opens the door more widely than anger, and for this good reason. The moment you are controlled by your temper you are no longer able to reason, you are no longer able to think, you can no longer give a balanced judgment, for you are altogether biased on one side. In other words, the power to reason and to think and to equate and evaluate-all that makes man a man-is gone; for the time being he is like a beast, the creature of his own passion and of an instinctive kind of power. And of course that is just the very situation in which the devil sees his most glorious opportunity.[i]

Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV) ³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Unattractive Christians often allow themselves to go to bed accompanied by the spirits of bitterness and resentment towards a fellow Christian. When they awaken the first thing you are apt to hear come out of his or her mouth is scornful contempt for a brother or sister in Christ. At every opportunity they continue bad mouthing the other Christian. They have nothing good to say about him or her. They put blinders on and zero in on the other persons flaws.

I remember being a member of a true Bible believing church quite some time ago. The Lord blessed me through the preaching and teaching of our pastor. I grew spiritually by leaps and bounds in the knowledge of God’s absolute sovereignty under that man’s labor of love. Of course I didn’t always see things exactly the way he did. Nobody ever does. But I thanked him and let him know how God blessed me through his ministry.

However, there were a couple of other members who never expressed any appreciation in more than six years. Not even once! But they were quick to let him know what they didn’t like. In fact, these folks never had anything good to say about the man or his preaching and teaching. Instead, they bad mouthed the pastor to whomever they could button hole. Their sinful expression of anger got to the point where it disrupted the harmony in that church. Members left. The pastor kept trying and trying but was never able to please these two bitter members. Finally, the man went into a depression and left the ministry God had so obviously called him to and that wonderful little church ceased to exist. And all because of what I would have to say were two immature very bitter spiritual teenagers pretty much insisting their view was infallible.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (AMP) ³¹ Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). ³² And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

“He [Paul] starts with the word bitterness, ‘Let all bitterness be put away.’ Bitterness is a state of the spirit. It denotes the sort of persistent sourness and an absence of amiability. It is an unloving condition which never sees any good in anything, but always contrives to see something wrong, or some defect and deficiency. The proverb tells us that ‘All seems yellow to the jaundice eye’, and the same is true about bitterness of spirit. It puts into everything it looks at some unworthy element. Because the person himself is jaundiced and bitter, everything he looks at is tinged by the same thing; it is like looking through coloured spectacles.”[ii]

“Bitterness, then, describes the kind of life which has become sour; it is not ready to believe good of anybody or anything, but always ready to believe evil; it is always somewhat cynical, takes the glory out of everything, tries to spoil everything. When it is shown something beautiful, it does not praise the ninety nine percent that is beautiful, but always points to the one percent of defect.”[iii]

How then does God want us to treat those unattractive Christians He has brought into our life? For starters, I suggest we consider the following.

Romans 12:14-21 (AMP) ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you [who are cruel in their attitude toward you]; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief]. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits.

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone. ¹⁸ If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord. ²⁰ But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. ²¹ Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good.

In struggling to love an unattractive Christian we must humbly remember where we are coming from and how far the Lord allowed us to stray before He either allowed us, or caused us to experience much sorrow, in order to strongly incline us to return to The King’s Highway. We must examine ourselves closely. Then when we have sinful thoughts about the unattractive Christian the Lord planned and ordained for us to love, we will clearly see reality and be able to say to ourselves: “There but for the grace of God go I.”

And then we should meditate on the blessed hope all Christians ought to have; and yearn for the time when each of us will finally become transformed and become the beautiful Christ-like creature He planned for us to become. That takes time. But we can take comfort in knowing that He will make you and me and the rest of His unattractive children beautiful, in His time.

[ii] Ibid, p. 279.

[iii] Ibid. p, 280.