THE GIFT OF LISTENING

MIKE CUNNINGHAM

APRIL 2, 2006

Imagine this scenario. It’s a beautiful summer day and a dozen friends are sitting in the shade of a big sugar maple. They were about to start their weekly bible study. All eyes were on the teenage boy who was attending for the first time. The kid’s reputation of being a know it all wise guy had preceded him. No one was surprised, when, after everyone had introduced themselves, he fired a quick shot at the man who was leading the study.

“You’re supposed to be a wise man; tell me what I have to do to inherit eternal life?” “What do the Scriptures say?” “We gotta love God with all of our mind, heart, soul and strength and our neighbor just like we do ourselves. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that.” “You have answered correctly. Do this and you will live.” “Yeah, well why don’t you tell me who my neighbor is. I’m all ears.”

The man’s response caught everyone by surprise. It was almost as though he had anticipated the kid’s question. Without saying a word, he slowly reached into his briefcase and selected thirteen sheets of paper from one of several Manila folders. “Please read this and then we can discuss our guest’s question,” he said, as he passed them around. Allow me to share with you folks what was written on that piece of paper.

“Cars and trucks zoomed by the family standing next to their disabled car on the side of the road of the interstate. The vehicles left rear tire was flat. A trail of sleeping bags, tent, a broken lantern, a cooler and little pails and shovels led to the car top carrier which had become disengaged and was lying upside down amongst some bushes forty feet back.

A tall dark skinned bearded man wearing what looked like a wrapped towel on his head had the car jacked up. He was obviously having a lot of difficulty removing the tire from the wheels rim. A visibly exasperated woman wearing a very pretty sari cuddled and rocked her crying baby. Peeking out from behind her were two wide eyed frightened little boys who couldn’t have been more that four and five. They were trying to get away from the gusts of wind of the passing vehicles, especially the ten wheelers.

Finally a car came along that was driven by what is often sarcastically referred to as being one of those bible believing Christian. He was running late for the weekly bible study he had been leading for several years. The man slowed his car to quickly scope out the situation. He figured that sooner or later someone with more time on their hands would pull over and help, so he sped past the scene in order to fulfill his “spiritual duty.” He knew in his “heat of hearts” it was undoubtedly a “higher calling” and would accomplish a much “greater good.”

Sure enough a car came along and slowly pulled to a stop in back of the disabled one. The driver was also a Christian but didn’t believe everything the first one did. You certainly couldn’t call him a Bible believing Christian. Don’t get me wrong. A number of years ago this man had acknowledged the fact that he was a sinner. He confessed his sins and asked Jesus to forgive him and then invited Him to come into his heart. But he wasn’t sure that his sins were forgiven or that Jesus was living in his heart. He just wasn’t certain of these blessings like the first Christian was.

He sincerely hoped Jesus forgave him and that he would go to heaven when he died. He knew the Bible said he would, but there were some things in the Bible that he found hard to believe, and others that he flat out rejected as his pastor had taught him. He certainly didn’t believe that only Christians were going to heaven. He was convinced that there was no way a loving God would condemn to an eternity of torment a nice Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or even an atheist.

He was also personally opposed to abortion but he respected a woman’s right to choose to exercise her constructional right and terminate her pregnancy. The man believed that God must have a special place reserved in heaven for all those good people that devoted their entire lives to helping others. He didn’t always feel that way, but for some time now he felt strongly inclined to lend a helping hand to anyone that needed it.

Actually, the inner inclination was so strong there was just no way that he could possibly pass by that that little family on the side of the road even though he might miss attending the marriage of his two Massachutes gay friends that were madly in love with each other. His conscience wouldn’t let him not stop and offer to help.”

“Which of these two Christians, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the family by the side of the road,” the wise man asked the bible study group.

The kid had quickly skimmed his copy and then blurted out, “I’m not falling for this stuff,” as he crumpled his piece of paper and tossed it over his shoulder. Then he gave his favorite snarl, and said to no one in particular, “They told me this bible study guy was a Christian.” “Please let everyone finish reading. Then we can have a discussion,” the man responded softly. “What’s to discuss,” the agitated kid shot back. “It’s obvious you believe that doing good works is so cool that they will save us.”

Every time the man tried to explain that nothing could be further from the truth, and that God viewed homosexual behavior as an abomination, and disrespect for the sanctity of all human life as being a sin, and that belief in Jesus is indeed the only way into Heaven, the kid interrupted him and went on and on talking up a storm. For instance, the kid would ask the man a question and then quickly shut him up before he even had a chance to finish answering.

The kid had developed this bullying tactic of interrupting people and finishing their sentences for them. He made people crazy whenever he jumped to mistaken conclusions because he wouldn’t allow them to fully explain themselves. Folks like the kid who are influenced by an angry domineering spirit don’t really want to know your opinion. Why should they? As far as they are concerned, he or she is right and you’re wrong. End of discussion!

If they succeed in finally whipping you into shape with their tongue, they will enjoy what I believe is a demonically induced spiritual high. Who knows, they might even pat you on the back and offer you a Twinkie to let you know there is no bad feelings. I can’t help thinking I’m not the only one who runs into some of these people as I make my way through this sin infested world?

The kid I have described is a Christian who has extremely Christ dishonoring communication skills that are very close to becoming idolatry, the worship of himself. If we are honest with ourselves, you and I have to admit that, to our shame, there are times when the way we speak with one another is equally dishonoring to God. Listen to what Jesus once said to the Pharisees about the kind of stuff that came out of their mouths.

Matthew 12:34-37 (NIV) 34 You brood of vipers how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

How can we please Jesus in the way we speak to one another? How can we be a good witness of His grace working in us?

Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Ephesians 4:26-27 (AMP) 26 When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. 27 Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].

Ephesians 4:29-32 (AMP) 29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God’s own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin). 31 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).

32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 5:18-19 (AMP) 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but ever be filled and stimulated with the [Holy] Spirit. 19 Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices [and instruments] and making melody with all your heart to the Lord,

Colossians 4:6 (AMP) 6 Let your speech at all times be gracious (pleasant and winsome), seasoned [as it were] with salt, [so that you may never be at a loss] to know how you ought to answer anyone [who puts a question to you].

2 Timothy 2:24-25 (AMP) 24 And the servant (pastor)of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting and contending). Instead, he must be kindly to everyone and mild-tempered [preserving the bond of peace]; he must be a skilled and suitable teacher, patient and forbearing and willing to suffer wrong. 25 He must correct his opponents with courtesy and gentleness, in the hope that God may grant that they will repent and come to know the Truth [that they will perceive and recognize and become accurately acquainted with and acknowledge it],

Titus 3:1-2 (AMP) 1 REMIND PEOPLE to be submissive to [their] magistrates and authorities, to be obedient, to be prepared and willing to do any upright and honorable work, 2 To slander or abuse or speak evil of no one, to avoid being contentious, to be forbearing (yielding, gentle, and conciliatory), and to show unqualified courtesy toward everybody.

1 Peter 3:10-11 (AMP) 10 For let (all of us)him who wants to enjoy life and see good days [good—whether apparent or not] keep his tongue free from evil and his lips from guile (treachery, deceit). 11 Let him turn away from wickedness and shun it, and let him do right. Let him search for peace (harmony; undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek it eagerly. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]

James 1:19-20 (ESV) 19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.

Proverbs 12:25 (NIV) 25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 15:1 (ESV) 1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:28 (ESV) 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 17:14 (NIV) 14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Proverbs 15:11-12 (NIV) 11 Death and Destruction lie open before the LORD– how much more the hearts of men! 12 A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.

Proverbs 25:15 (NIV) 15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Proverbs 12:16 (NIV) 16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. 18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 16:21 (AMP) 21 The wise in heart are called prudent, understanding, and knowing, and winsome speech increases learning [in both speaker and listener]. Proverbs 16:24 (ESV) 24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.27 A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.

Proverbs 17:9 (AMP) 9 He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.

Proverbs 18:6 (AMP) 6 A [self-confident] fool’s lips bring contention, and his mouth invites a beating. 13 He who answers a matter before he hears the facts—it is folly and shame to him.

I have already asked the Holy Spirit to take these verses and imbed them into mind and heart of every one of us have heard them this morning and those folks who may read them. It’s my prayerful hope that He will use my message to help us all to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I have asked Him to jog our memory concerning these verses every time we are tempted to dominate a conversation. I pray that He will incline each of us to listen to and show an interest in what others are saying to us and not just be interested in what’s on our own mind.

I have asked Him to remind us and then give us the strength not to dishonor Him by giving anyone the impression that we are an argumentative know-it-all. May He give each of us a spirit to be predominately positive and encouraging and accepting of our neighbors as opposed to being negative and critical.

Who of us doesn’t appreciate being spoken to by someone whose voice is pleasant, friendly and gentle even though they may disagree with us? We need to ask ourselves if people are comfortable and relaxed in our presence or if they are fearful of triggering a lecture or tongue lashing if they express an opinion with which we may disagree.

Do our neighbors, and remember our closest neighbors are often members of our own families; do they see us as usually being angry, sarcastic, in your face know-it-all’s that won’t let them get a word in edge-wise and who seem to delight in bullying them into silence or as being someone who is usually kind, gentle, soft spoken, considerate and respectful whenever we are in their presence?

Are we seen by other people as being a moody, judgmental, negative, nagging fault-finder or as someone who, regardless of circumstance, is for the most part a positive, upbeat, optimistic and cheerful person, eager to overlook offenses and just as eager to forgive those who have wronged us?

Finally, I can’t imagine any human being not wanting to be listened to. Who of us doesn’t have hopes and dreams and fears that we would long to share with an accepting non-judgmental listening ear?

Let’s bow our heads for a moment and silently ask the Lord to first incline and then enable us to love our neighbor as we do ourselves; so much so, that one of our most heartfelt desires will be to give those folks He has caused to cross paths with us “the gift of listening.”

I wish to acknowledge my indebtedness to Wayne Mack for some of the ideas I received from his excellent series entitled: A HOMEWORK MANUAL FOR BIBLICAL LIVING.